Nap Time: The Game

My 3-year-old doesn't take naps anymore, so for her, a fun game is pretending to take a nap. You know what would be a really fun game? Actually taking a nap.

You'd think playing nap time would be a really restful game. Not so. That's because Nina is a dictator. You must nap according to a very specific set of rules, in a location of her choosing (the more uncomfortable, the better), with blankets covering your whole body, always with your head on a pillow (don't you dare try to prop your arm under there), and next to the stuffed toys she forces asks you to sleep with.

Lights out. We're all settled in for our pretend nap. Now we can rest, right? Wrong. Now she jumps up every 10 seconds or so, turns on the lights, and screams "Wake up! Start talking!" This is a dream come true for her. I am sure that whenever she wakes up at night, she thinks about running to my room, flipping on the lights and screaming "Wake up! Start talking!" But part of her must also fear the firestorm that would rain down upon her should she ever really do it. Playing nap time is her outlet for such whimsical fantasies.

Playing nap always ends badly, because I'm already bitter about the fact that I can't actually sleep. Sure, rub it in my face, kid. But it also ends badly because 8-month-olds are no good at pretending to sleep.

So here we go, with an episode of "Nap Time: The Game":

Nina: I want you to sleep here with me.

Me: That sounds like the worst game ever. Why don't we play something else?

Nina: No, I want you to sleep. (Turns off the lights) And bring Owen too.

Me: You know what will happen if I come over there with Owen and try to sleep.

Nina: What?

Me: He will crawl around and try to touch your toys, and then you will cry and push him, and then I will put you in time out, and then we will all be upset and it will be no fun.

Nina: I want you to sleep here with me. And bring Owen too.

Me: ...

Nina: Or we could play hide-and-seek again.

Me: Well played. Zzzz. Zzzz.

Owen: I'm going to just crawl around here.

Nina: Owen! It's time to go to sleep. Make Owen go to sleep mommy!

Me: Zzzz. Zzzz.

Owen: Toys! Let me just put a few of these in my mouth! 

Nina: Noooooo! Owen! My toys! Ahhhh! (Pushes Owen)

Owen: Waaah! Wahhh!

Me: Time out!

Every. Freaking. Time.