Bedtime Stories: The Evil Magician and His Eight-Legged Minions

Me: Good night, Nina.

Nina: One more story please!

Me: Why don't you tell me a story?

Nina: OK! Once upon a time there was a girl named mommy and she lived in an orange castle with daddy and Owen and me. Then one day a magician came and took us to his castle and put us in the dungeon! And along came a spider and scared us into a gate! 

Um... this is what you think about while you drift off to sleep at night? Not puppies and rainbows, but magicians locking us up in dungeons and creepy nursery rhyme spider wardens?

Me: Yikes. Did we get out?

Nina: No, we couldn't because we didn't have a wand.

Me: We could just take one from the magician.

Nina: No, we can't use wands because we're not magicians. If we try he will say "abracadabra" and we will have to stay with him forever and ever. 

This explains a lot.

Me: Forever and ever, huh?

Nina: Yeah, and along came a spider and we said "ahhh!" and we couldn't get out of the gate! 

Again with the spider. No more nursery rhymes before bed. Or maybe ever. I need to give this a happy ending or I'll be up at 3 a.m. explaining that we are not actually trapped in a dungeon with an evil magician and his spider minions.

Me: Maybe a magical unicorn came and unlocked the gate with her horn and then a bus came and we all went home on the bus.

Nina: No! We don't take buses to go home! We take our car to go home. We take buses to go to school. Silly. 

Fine. I could explain the difference between a public bus and a school bus, but let me just try a different angle.

Me: OK, maybe the magical unicorn drove our car to the castle and picked us up in our car.

Nina: Noooo... unicorns can't drive cars because they don't have hands. They only have feet. 

Hahaha. I should correct her.

Me: They only have feet?

Nina: And horns. Horns that go "beep! beep!" 

One day, when she is 12 or so, she will realize that even in fantasy worlds where unicorns do exist, her running shoe wearing, car horn on the forehead brand of unicorn would be mocked by all of the other imaginary creatures. But who am I to be the one to break it to her?

Me: So that's it? We are stuck in the dungeon with the magician and spiders forever and ever?

Nina: ...

Me: ...

Nina: Will you sleep with me mommy? 

OK, I deserve that.